Archive for September 2010

Sleep Paralysis   Leave a comment

What types of fanfics I detest…   Leave a comment

Not much of a rant, so much as a list of fics I can’t stand to read for one reason or another – whether it be a simple, minor detail or something bigger…


  • Ron/Hermione This pairing is disgusting. Anything graphic – be it kissing or more – makes me gag and shudder in disgust, literally. I’m not joking. When I click on a story, the VERY first thing I look for is whether the author has paired these two sidekicks together. Usually, I find it very quickly, as it’s usually mentioned within the first few paragraphs or the first chapter of the fic. If I get even the slightest hint that these two are together (before Harry is involved with anyone at least – which is usually NEVER at the start of the story, sadly), then I exit out of the fic immediately and do NOT read it. I hate these two that much. The ONLY way I am able to read this pairing, is if they come much later into the fic, and after Harry has already in an Established Relationship with someone, het or slash. Also, they cannot have sex before Harry does, otherwise I exit out of the fic instantly. I’m VERY picky with this one…Top of the list for a reason!!
  • Centric-Hermione – Ugh…I cannot stand this woman. I’ve known MANY know-it-alls in my time, and every single one of them has this ‘I’m better and smarter than you’ attitude, where they go around intentionally throwing their smarts and knowledge around, just to make them look good and others stupid. I understand that being a genius is something to take pride in, but to demean others for not knowing something is something I cannot stand – and Hermione does that all the time. I especially hate the way she speaks to Ron and to an extent, Harry, like they’re complete idiots (though Ron pretty much is an idiot – she still shouldn’t speak like that to a friend). She just, all around, pisses me off. People give her way too much credit in fanfiction and even in canon. News flash, she couldn’t possibly have read EVERY BOOK IN THE DAMNED LIBRARY! Meaning, she couldn’t possibly know EVERYTHING!
  • Hermione in a relationship – Yeah…I loathe Ron/Hermione, but I also cant stand her dating anyone else. Her being paired up with Snape, Draco or any Slytherin for that matter, is simply ridiculous and should NEVER be done. Femslash is also included in the relationship/pairing thing as well. I’ll only ever read a Hermione-related fic if it’s a Harry/Hermione, and that’s only barely a Can-Do. Enough said on that.
  • Ron in a relationship – Pretty much the same deal with Hermione. Can’t stand him paired with anyone, whether it’s romantic or just PWP. I’ll only read Ron/Harry fics, but even that is something I have to be in the mood for, which isn’t too often. Apart from Percy, Ron’s the only Weasley that I won’t exclusively seek out to read and pair with Harry or anyone else.
  • Non-Centric Harry – Any fics that are not Harry-Centric, I cannot read. Only Harry/Paired with whoever, fics. If the fic doesn’t have Harry as the main focus of the story and if he’s not the main pairing, I will NOT read it.
  • Humiliate-Harry – Can’t stand when Harry is humiliated in front of a large gathering of people – the Order, students, professors, etc. I hate it when females slap him for any reason. Abuse is one thing (I like Abused-Harry fics), but when he’s just been punched or slapped for something (especially when there isn’t a real liable reason behind the hit), it pisses me off. Mostly when females do it though – like Hermione, for one, and then Ginny for the other. It’s usually those two bitches who slap him, so…yeah.
  • Graphic Side Pairings – I don’t read anything that isn’t-Harry-Centric when it comes to sex or mushy fluff (kissing, cuddling, etc.). I always scroll passed the scenes the author writes in – like Remus/Sirius, or Remus/Tonks, Neville/Luna, it doesn’t matter. Its all the same. Can’t read them. I’m for Harry-sex only, lol.
  • Harry raising someone else’s child – Mostly, I come across fics where Harry is stuck with Teddy, especially in crossovers. I don’t want to read fics where Harry is raising someone else’s kid – I want him to be raising his OWN – his own flesh and blood. It pisses me off, when I find a story where I think Harry has a child, only to find out that it’s Teddy. Go read Nightmares in Dakota, a SPN/HP crossover. It’s a good read, but VERY disappointing! I was reading it, update after update, and I couldn’t stop thinking that it would have been an even better story if the kid had actually been his, instead of the child of a deceased friend – also his godson. This doesn’t make him an actual father in my eyes (even though, technically, adopting a kid makes you a parent) – I just can’t make the connection between parent and child when the child Harry’s raising isn’t his own.
  • Post-Hogwarts – Reading post-Hogwarts fics just don’t interest me. The main reason for this, is because: a) Harry’s usually not in an Established Relationship in post-Hogwarts fics – he’s either getting over a break-up and eventually falls for someone (usually a co-worker, Draco or Snape), whether it’s through work or while partying or “clubbing”; b) Ron/Hermione usually are married, getting married and starting a family WAY before Harry begins a relationship with someone and as previously stated, I HATE R/Hr; c) I don’t enjoy reading Harry when he’s older than 21-yo being the minimum and 25-yo being the maximum. I like mature Harry just fine, but the whole age thing bothers me – I’m a die-hard During Hogwarts Years fan. At heart, I’m still a teen, even though I’m currently 22-yo.
  • Top-Harry – If Harry is the dominate SLASH partner (the one the tops), then I will not read it. I’m a submissive/bottom-Harry only fan – I won’t read anything else, no exceptions, when reading Slash. Top/Dom Harry disgusts me.
  • Dominatrix-Females – Reading a fic where Harry is dating a chick that is a ‘dominatrix’ – enjoys whips, handcuffs, bloodplay, bondage and with-holding orgasms and whatnot – it just doesn’t do anything for me. I don’t mind a little kink (like where the female does the whole strap-on thing and fucks him instead, that’s fine – a little dominating but not overly so – you can top and not be too dominating) but not too much.
  • Female Centric Sex during Threesome – Take R/H/Hr threesomes for example. I wouldn’t actually MIND reading one, even though I’ve stated several times that I can’t stand Ron or Hermione. However, when I actually DO read one, it is usually where all of the boys’ sexual attention is on Hermione. Being the Harry-centric fan that I am, I would like to read a fic where Harry is the center focus of the attention (meaning, in the middle of the three), and NO R/Hr action or at least as very little as possible. I can’t stand when the female is the focus of the two males – it pisses me off. I love boy-on-boy action in threesomes (Harry bottoms for the other male, while at the same time is doing the chick, kind of thing, with rimming and blow jobs between Harry and the other male).
  • Fred/George Incest – Only when it’s Fred/Harry/George and they do NOT get too graphic with each other. Kissing and a little groping is fine, but they cannot fuck the other twin – sorry, but it’s just gross to read.
  • Femslash – I may be a slash-fan, but NOT femslash. I’m a straight female, and the thought of lesbian sex is disgusting. That might not bother a lot of females, even the straight ones, but it does me. A lot of Harry-slash fics have femslash in it, and it always turns me off of the story.
  • DH Epilogue-Related Fics – I hated the epilogue at the end of Deathly Hallows. Any fic that is based off of those events (the names of the children, for instant, or Ginny being a pro Quidditch player) ticks me off. Rowling does not know good names when she comes across them – Scorpius? Albus Severus? WTF?!
  • Deathly Hallows, Half-Blood Prince related fics – DH and HBP both sucked. The whole Horcrux idea was stupid and boring. I could hardly finish either one of those books – though I did, but not with a lot of difficulty. Rowling doesn’t know how to write romance – she SUCKS at romance. R/Hr? Is she really that retarded? Harry/Ginny was okay, but the way the romance was written between them in the last two books was so UNfulfilling. It lacked the romantic spark that all heroic romances inspired and created. Rowling totally missed the mark. I mean, the two didn’t even embrace or kiss or even TALK at the end of the battle in DH, if I remember right. There wasn’t much acknowledgement there at all, between the two…
  • Horcrux Idea – The fics that use the Horcrux idea and the events of HBP…Read above for the reason why.
  • Anime(Manga)/Harry Potter Crossovers – Yeah, um, I don’t watch Anime cartoons/shows, and therefore do not understand ANYTHING that happens in Naruto, Inuyasha, Bleach, Death Note, Gundam Wing, Ouran High School Host Club…blah, blah, blah, the list goes on. The Japanese names are just too much for me, and they don’t read very well as far as I am concerned (meaning, to me only, most probably) – I don’t know one character from the other, so I can’t connect them. Plus, again, the names – I can’t tell female from male, and it’s just plain ass difficult. I don’t hate Anime, I just am not interested in it. Love the Japanese culture though


That’s all I can think of, for now. There are more, MUCH more, but I can’t remember them right now. Perhaps I’ll add to the list later on, when I can think of the rest.

~Cheers, XD~

FictionAlley Rant   Leave a comment

Okay, first of all…if there are any Admins on this sight – admins or even part of the FA team – I have to tell you that your site absolutely sucks. It blows! I get that you guys have all those rules for a reason – it keeps the site clean and friendly – however, I think that you guys are anal about the slightest of things.
I mean, the only thing I do on FA is use your ‘Help! I’m Looking For…‘ threads and just the rules on there alone are enough to drive me insane. All of the threads have to be perfect, and posted a certain way:


Truly – it might be easier for people to read the posts using the FA approved format, but it’s not necessary to search and hunt down each and every post/thread that gets posted and tell them to correct their mistake. It’s completely against the rules to simply give the same of the author, the URL and then maybe a small description of the fic you’re reccing all in one paragraph or sentence – it’s simple and it’s easy. However, FA expects everyone to remember their perfect little format. You forget it and post the easy way, and they stamp a warning on your post in bold letters telling you that you did wrong and that you MUST remember.
You post too many times in a day, and they’ll drop your post count to one.

Whatever that means, honestly. I don’t even know how many times I was allowed to post to begin with – I posted three times, and they dropped my count to ONE. Sure, I might have known that had I actually read the site rules but honestly, does ANYONE read site rules? Hmm? Maybe, but I just try to learn as I go instead of sit and read through them all.

The stamps they leave on your post is visible to everyone to read. I don’t know about everyone else, but I hate having EVERYONE know when I do something wrong. It should be between you and the admins/FA team, not you, the admins and the entire site members. Only you should be able to read that bold message at the end of your post that reads:

Per the forum rules, you can only create one thread per 16 hours in this forum. As such, I have merged the threads together, and will be dropping your post count by one for the infraction.
Please make sure all posts and threads adhere to our posting policies.
for FictionAlley

This shows at the end of the posts/threads that the admins stamp (or they post their own message inside your thread, and you get the message, thinking it’s an actual post – someone that is reccing or bumping your own thread). They took two of my previously posted threads Need some Harry Potter Crossovers and Neville/Harry and combined them into ONE thread, titled Need some Harry Potter Crossovers and Neville/Harry.

Now, I would have been happy to deleted one of them (copied and pasted) so that I could re-post one of the threads after a 16hr period. All they had to do was ask me to do it, and I gladly would have. But no – it turns out that after so many hours, the thread becomes closed and you have to ask permission to edit your own damn post from the FA team or admins or someone (I don’t really know who, just someone that runs the site).

They didn’t ask me to go and edit my thread, or to delete it and re-post it later. No, they just took it upon themselves to go and combine the two. If I had wanted to have the two topics/requests in one thread, I certainly would have done so – they were, after all, posted only a few minutes apart from each other. They’re rude, even if they and others don’t see it as being rude.

They’re anal – no if’s, ands or BUTS about it. You have to have perfect grammar and spelling (and lets face it, even with a spell-check, that can come as a challenge to some people), though I understand that one well enough – I have a problem with reading poorly typed out posts myself. You have to make sure the post is perfectly formatted. You can’t have direct links to M-rated or NC-17-rated fics. You can’t really express yourself too much there, at all. Hell, I’m afraid to even get to descriptive about the kinds of fics that I’m looking for, for fear that I’ll get kicked off the damn site, as I don’t know exactly how strict they are with heavily descriptive (sexual stuff) posts. I mean, if you can’t have a direct link to M and NC-17 fics then surely you can’t get too explicit.

Basically, every time I go to the forum, I fell like I’m treading on egg shells. I feel like my every word is being monitored and I simply hate that. They’re so picky and strict.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have any problems with having a few rules and guidelines – proper grammar and spelling being one of the rules I’m pretty cool with (who likes to read a sloppy post?). It’s a lot of the other ones – the ones that they’re really, really REALLY anal about, that gets me.

If it weren’t for their Help! I’m looking For… thread, then I would never go back to the FA site. However, I often find myself having to look through the Help forum or having to post a thread on it, in search for specific fic requests. I can’t say much for their other forums and site features – I don’t publish my stories there. Tried it, but again, it frustrated me to the point where I said ‘Fuck It!’. Your stories have to be Submitted then Approved by the site’s team/admins before it actually goes through. It takes a while, and it’s just easier posting on your blogs, Fanfiction.Net and wherever else you can find to post. Sometimes one chapter will be approved and one won’t be, so you’ll have to delete it or whatever, make the corrections they tell you then re-submit the chapters. It’s just tedious and pointless, in my opinion.

Okay, sorry for this rant. I know, people are probably reading this and screaming that FA isn’t really all that bad and I’m really the anal one, getting worked up over a stupid site. Perhaps you’re right, XD. Either way, I’m pissed off and I needed to get this rant off my chest.

I’m finished, now, I think.

XD, Esprit du Coeur XD

Posted September 6, 2010 by esprit du coeur in Rants

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Elliot Spencer/Harry Potter   Leave a comment

Challenge Pairing: Elliot/Harry

Challenge Fandoms: Harry Potter, Leverage

Objective: Basically, Elliot and Harry (a Magical Hermaphrodite), have been married or dating ever since Harry is seventeen. Harry can’t be older than 20-years-old, and Elliot, well, I don’t know how old he’s supposed to be in the show, so make him around 25-28-years-old.

Their relationship is secret, so Nate, Sophie, Parker and Hardison don’t know about Harry. That is, until they need help with a job. Elliot tells his team/family that he knows a person that can help. He calls Harry (who’s already pregnant, heavily so 5-8 months along), and asks him if he is willing to help the team with the special job – they need a little ‘extra’ help, and Harry’s magic was the key.

It can be any type of job, but I prefer that it is a muggle job. Why would they need use of Harry’s magic if it’s a muggle job? Be creative! You can think of a reason, I’m sure. Hell, maybe the muggle ‘bad guy’ is working with a magical ‘bad guy’. I don’t know, I’ll let you decide…

I want Harry to have left Hogwarts after 5th year. He went to America, to get away from the press, the memory of Sirius and the friends that betrayed him/blamed him for the disaster of the Ministry of Magic. While in America, he continues his magical education in the form of self teaching, visiting the magical communities across the states to get reading materials and other such learning tools.

He may or not not be a criminal of some kind – thief, con, etc. At 17, he and Elliot meet. Whether it be while on a job, or just by happenstance, you decide. The circumstances under how they meet is your choice.

I don’t want Harry to be a virgin when they meet, though. That doesn’t mean that I want him to be a slut or anything, just not a virgin.

NO Ron/Hermione.

Sex is required when it comes to Elliot/Harry, but it doesn’t have to be graphic if you are that uncomfortable with writing graphic sex scenes.

Mpreg is a must. Baby must be a girl.