What types of fanfics I detest…   Leave a comment

Not much of a rant, so much as a list of fics I can’t stand to read for one reason or another – whether it be a simple, minor detail or something bigger…

 

  • Ron/Hermione This pairing is disgusting. Anything graphic – be it kissing or more – makes me gag and shudder in disgust, literally. I’m not joking. When I click on a story, the VERY first thing I look for is whether the author has paired these two sidekicks together. Usually, I find it very quickly, as it’s usually mentioned within the first few paragraphs or the first chapter of the fic. If I get even the slightest hint that these two are together (before Harry is involved with anyone at least – which is usually NEVER at the start of the story, sadly), then I exit out of the fic immediately and do NOT read it. I hate these two that much. The ONLY way I am able to read this pairing, is if they come much later into the fic, and after Harry has already in an Established Relationship with someone, het or slash. Also, they cannot have sex before Harry does, otherwise I exit out of the fic instantly. I’m VERY picky with this one…Top of the list for a reason!!
  • Centric-Hermione – Ugh…I cannot stand this woman. I’ve known MANY know-it-alls in my time, and every single one of them has this ‘I’m better and smarter than you’ attitude, where they go around intentionally throwing their smarts and knowledge around, just to make them look good and others stupid. I understand that being a genius is something to take pride in, but to demean others for not knowing something is something I cannot stand – and Hermione does that all the time. I especially hate the way she speaks to Ron and to an extent, Harry, like they’re complete idiots (though Ron pretty much is an idiot – she still shouldn’t speak like that to a friend). She just, all around, pisses me off. People give her way too much credit in fanfiction and even in canon. News flash, she couldn’t possibly have read EVERY BOOK IN THE DAMNED LIBRARY! Meaning, she couldn’t possibly know EVERYTHING!
  • Hermione in a relationship – Yeah…I loathe Ron/Hermione, but I also cant stand her dating anyone else. Her being paired up with Snape, Draco or any Slytherin for that matter, is simply ridiculous and should NEVER be done. Femslash is also included in the relationship/pairing thing as well. I’ll only ever read a Hermione-related fic if it’s a Harry/Hermione, and that’s only barely a Can-Do. Enough said on that.
  • Ron in a relationship – Pretty much the same deal with Hermione. Can’t stand him paired with anyone, whether it’s romantic or just PWP. I’ll only read Ron/Harry fics, but even that is something I have to be in the mood for, which isn’t too often. Apart from Percy, Ron’s the only Weasley that I won’t exclusively seek out to read and pair with Harry or anyone else.
  • Non-Centric Harry – Any fics that are not Harry-Centric, I cannot read. Only Harry/Paired with whoever, fics. If the fic doesn’t have Harry as the main focus of the story and if he’s not the main pairing, I will NOT read it.
  • Humiliate-Harry – Can’t stand when Harry is humiliated in front of a large gathering of people – the Order, students, professors, etc. I hate it when females slap him for any reason. Abuse is one thing (I like Abused-Harry fics), but when he’s just been punched or slapped for something (especially when there isn’t a real liable reason behind the hit), it pisses me off. Mostly when females do it though – like Hermione, for one, and then Ginny for the other. It’s usually those two bitches who slap him, so…yeah.
  • Graphic Side Pairings – I don’t read anything that isn’t-Harry-Centric when it comes to sex or mushy fluff (kissing, cuddling, etc.). I always scroll passed the scenes the author writes in – like Remus/Sirius, or Remus/Tonks, Neville/Luna, it doesn’t matter. Its all the same. Can’t read them. I’m for Harry-sex only, lol.
  • Harry raising someone else’s child – Mostly, I come across fics where Harry is stuck with Teddy, especially in crossovers. I don’t want to read fics where Harry is raising someone else’s kid – I want him to be raising his OWN – his own flesh and blood. It pisses me off, when I find a story where I think Harry has a child, only to find out that it’s Teddy. Go read Nightmares in Dakota, a SPN/HP crossover. It’s a good read, but VERY disappointing! I was reading it, update after update, and I couldn’t stop thinking that it would have been an even better story if the kid had actually been his, instead of the child of a deceased friend – also his godson. This doesn’t make him an actual father in my eyes (even though, technically, adopting a kid makes you a parent) – I just can’t make the connection between parent and child when the child Harry’s raising isn’t his own.
  • Post-Hogwarts – Reading post-Hogwarts fics just don’t interest me. The main reason for this, is because: a) Harry’s usually not in an Established Relationship in post-Hogwarts fics – he’s either getting over a break-up and eventually falls for someone (usually a co-worker, Draco or Snape), whether it’s through work or while partying or “clubbing”; b) Ron/Hermione usually are married, getting married and starting a family WAY before Harry begins a relationship with someone and as previously stated, I HATE R/Hr; c) I don’t enjoy reading Harry when he’s older than 21-yo being the minimum and 25-yo being the maximum. I like mature Harry just fine, but the whole age thing bothers me – I’m a die-hard During Hogwarts Years fan. At heart, I’m still a teen, even though I’m currently 22-yo.
  • Top-Harry – If Harry is the dominate SLASH partner (the one the tops), then I will not read it. I’m a submissive/bottom-Harry only fan – I won’t read anything else, no exceptions, when reading Slash. Top/Dom Harry disgusts me.
  • Dominatrix-Females – Reading a fic where Harry is dating a chick that is a ‘dominatrix’ – enjoys whips, handcuffs, bloodplay, bondage and with-holding orgasms and whatnot – it just doesn’t do anything for me. I don’t mind a little kink (like where the female does the whole strap-on thing and fucks him instead, that’s fine – a little dominating but not overly so – you can top and not be too dominating) but not too much.
  • Female Centric Sex during Threesome – Take R/H/Hr threesomes for example. I wouldn’t actually MIND reading one, even though I’ve stated several times that I can’t stand Ron or Hermione. However, when I actually DO read one, it is usually where all of the boys’ sexual attention is on Hermione. Being the Harry-centric fan that I am, I would like to read a fic where Harry is the center focus of the attention (meaning, in the middle of the three), and NO R/Hr action or at least as very little as possible. I can’t stand when the female is the focus of the two males – it pisses me off. I love boy-on-boy action in threesomes (Harry bottoms for the other male, while at the same time is doing the chick, kind of thing, with rimming and blow jobs between Harry and the other male).
  • Fred/George Incest – Only when it’s Fred/Harry/George and they do NOT get too graphic with each other. Kissing and a little groping is fine, but they cannot fuck the other twin – sorry, but it’s just gross to read.
  • Femslash – I may be a slash-fan, but NOT femslash. I’m a straight female, and the thought of lesbian sex is disgusting. That might not bother a lot of females, even the straight ones, but it does me. A lot of Harry-slash fics have femslash in it, and it always turns me off of the story.
  • DH Epilogue-Related Fics – I hated the epilogue at the end of Deathly Hallows. Any fic that is based off of those events (the names of the children, for instant, or Ginny being a pro Quidditch player) ticks me off. Rowling does not know good names when she comes across them – Scorpius? Albus Severus? WTF?!
  • Deathly Hallows, Half-Blood Prince related fics – DH and HBP both sucked. The whole Horcrux idea was stupid and boring. I could hardly finish either one of those books – though I did, but not with a lot of difficulty. Rowling doesn’t know how to write romance – she SUCKS at romance. R/Hr? Is she really that retarded? Harry/Ginny was okay, but the way the romance was written between them in the last two books was so UNfulfilling. It lacked the romantic spark that all heroic romances inspired and created. Rowling totally missed the mark. I mean, the two didn’t even embrace or kiss or even TALK at the end of the battle in DH, if I remember right. There wasn’t much acknowledgement there at all, between the two…
  • Horcrux Idea – The fics that use the Horcrux idea and the events of HBP…Read above for the reason why.
  • Anime(Manga)/Harry Potter Crossovers – Yeah, um, I don’t watch Anime cartoons/shows, and therefore do not understand ANYTHING that happens in Naruto, Inuyasha, Bleach, Death Note, Gundam Wing, Ouran High School Host Club…blah, blah, blah, the list goes on. The Japanese names are just too much for me, and they don’t read very well as far as I am concerned (meaning, to me only, most probably) – I don’t know one character from the other, so I can’t connect them. Plus, again, the names – I can’t tell female from male, and it’s just plain ass difficult. I don’t hate Anime, I just am not interested in it. Love the Japanese culture though

 

That’s all I can think of, for now. There are more, MUCH more, but I can’t remember them right now. Perhaps I’ll add to the list later on, when I can think of the rest.

~Cheers, XD~

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